Averse to the Coronavirus

An acquaintance who is an academic researcher posted a summary of his latest study on Twitter, in limerick form, and then a challenge was issued by his colleague (my cousin, a psychology professor): “Could we all please announce our new research in limericks?”

I’m an ethnographer/folklore researcher but also the IRB administrator/research compliance officer at my institution, so it was complicated to summarize all that in one stanza. But here’s my attempt at the limerick-abstract challenge:

My research has ground to a halt
Since the virus began its assault.
But what feels even worse is
The chorus of curses:
"This ban is the IRB's fault!"

For you see, human subject protection's
My job, and this deadly infection's
Made research compliance
A risk-riddled science.
"Remote methods only"?—objections

Grow loud from professors hell-bent
On promotion, and provosts' intent
To re-open. Price paid:
Lives, and risks poorly weighed.
What DOES it mean, now, to "consent"?