Free Advice to the BGSU Board of Trustees, on the Occasion of Its Awarding an Enormous Raise to One, and Only One, University Employee

Dear BGSU Board of Trustees,

Pres. Rogers leaving Board of Trustees meeting (Artist’s rendering)

The BGSU community was gratified to learn of your recognizing the entire University’s accomplishments by your recent spontaneous awarding of a raise to Pres. Rogers.

I write to add to your list of Pres. Rogers’ own accomplishments, to list some of the accomplishments of the rest of BGSU’s employees, and to provide you guidance in rewarding the rest of BGSU’s employees for the communal job well done.

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Greetings–Now Please Go Away

Query from a potential “greeter”:

Dear BGSU Office of Residence Life,

May I please get some cash from CARES
To sit or stand outside the halls
As kids arrive with their affairs–
Their spirits high on aerosols–
And tell them “Turn around, go home!
We’ve just decided, we’re too dense.”
And thus the BG metronome
Tick-tocks, with little common sense,
Toward fall semester’s recommence-
ment. Hybrid horror… such suspense.

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